i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i barfeds in our rink
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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