dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
