Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
