I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
