Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
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