I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
