shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
