An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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