Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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