girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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