Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
