remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
