I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
