You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
