Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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