Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This is my gift to your gina
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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