I seem to have left my pride at pride
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
