Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
