Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
