when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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