Non-Jews are for practice
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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