so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I love you. Go after that dick
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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