the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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