checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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