I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
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Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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