I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
