$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The power of my boobs compel you
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
