Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
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You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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