there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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