Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
