When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
