I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm always down for nudity.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
