zippers are such a cool invention
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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