Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid