Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER