i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
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why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
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I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it