What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
