I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
