I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
