So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
