i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
