Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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