You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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