he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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