Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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