Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
