I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
