Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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