Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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