Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize