I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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