i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
