You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
