You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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