I must be too annoying 4 u.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
