a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
