i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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