The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
