if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
