we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
