I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
