I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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