Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
