Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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