He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Come on in and take your pants off
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