should my penis look like a turkey
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
