I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
