Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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