Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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