You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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