My boss' voice literally gives me gas
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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