made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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