i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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