All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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