Cold hands, warm shart.
I have demons in me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
